It comes when u least expect it! And the truth really hurts so bad! So bad you would question God "why me?"
A few years back I started feeling in denial of what was inevitable. I tried feeling alright, feeling healthy and feeling I can overcome it without seeing a doctor. But those feelings were just states of denial.
And one fine morning I was in a clinic room undergoing ultrasound and bang! A big lump has been found on my left breast accompanied by mulitple lymph nodes in my armpit!
The next day I was inside the operating room praying to God that "I am entering this room alive Lord and if I can survive it and you will not be taking me yet in your kingdom, you will let me come out alive, but if it is my time, take me while I am deeply sedated," I prayed to the Lord.
The next episode I felt that God did not take me yet...I was in the recovery room shouting...looking for my kids. But I was told later I was a very good patient, no shouting, no mumbling like what I thought I was doing.
The grenade-shaped drip hanging on my stomach confirmed my worst fears. My lump is malignant. I underwent radical mastectomy-left breast. Invasive ductal carcinoma-stage 3.
When the surgeon broke the news, I was not moved. I pretended to be strong in front of my kids. No tears but a sad smile escaped my lips.
Still in a state of denial.
When reality sank in, panic came. But then, the only thing that will make you strong is your faith in God.
I turned to God. Yes, it was only God who gave me peace of mind and assurance that I will be fine. In between my strong surrender to God are episodes of hopelessness, tears, heartaches.
To God I have surrendered everything now. Because I have the assurance that when the time comes that He will take me, I will be in heaven with Him because I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my own personal Saviour.
I am undergoing chemo treatment now. I will have my 4th cycle on Monday. Way to go. Seven more cycles including my Monday cycle.
It is my prayer that God will heal me through this treatment. I believe I still have a lot of unfinished business here on earth that God wants me to accomplish first before He will take me.
Nothing makes sense anymore except when you submit everything to God! To anyone who will read this writing, I covet your prayers for a miracle, that I will soon be cancer-free! God bless us all!
Amity
