Thursday, December 03, 2015

Fighting the Big C

It comes when u least expect it! And the truth really hurts so bad! So bad you would question God "why me?"

A few years back I started feeling in denial of what was inevitable. I tried feeling alright, feeling healthy and feeling I can overcome it without seeing a doctor. But those feelings were just states of denial.

And one fine morning I was in a clinic room undergoing ultrasound and bang! A big lump has been found on my left breast accompanied by mulitple lymph nodes in my armpit!

The next day I was inside the operating room praying to God that "I am entering this room alive Lord and if I can survive it and you will not be taking me yet in your kingdom, you will let me come out alive, but if it is my time, take me while I am deeply sedated," I prayed to the Lord.

The next episode I felt that God did not take me yet...I was in the recovery room shouting...looking for my kids. But I was told later I was a very good patient, no shouting, no mumbling like what I thought I was doing.

The grenade-shaped drip hanging on my stomach confirmed my worst fears. My lump is malignant. I underwent radical mastectomy-left breast. Invasive ductal carcinoma-stage 3.

When the surgeon broke the news, I was not moved. I pretended to be strong in front of my kids. No tears but a sad smile escaped my lips.

Still in a state of denial.

When reality sank in, panic came. But then, the only thing that will make you strong is your faith in God.

I turned to God. Yes, it was only God who gave me peace of mind and assurance that I will be fine. In between my strong surrender to God are episodes of hopelessness, tears, heartaches.

To God I have surrendered everything now. Because I have the assurance that when the time comes that He will take me, I will be in heaven with Him because I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my own personal Saviour.

I am undergoing chemo treatment now. I will have my 4th cycle on Monday. Way to go. Seven more cycles including my Monday cycle.

It is my prayer that God will heal me through this treatment. I believe I still have a lot of unfinished business here on earth that God wants me to accomplish first before He will take me.

Nothing makes sense anymore except when you submit everything to God! To anyone who will read this writing, I covet your prayers for a miracle, that I will soon be cancer-free! God bless us all!


Tuesday, August 27, 2013

When We Grow Old and Gray

When we grow old and gray
Hand in hand we go and say a prayer
Inside the wayside, small chapel

When we grow old and gray
Like a carefree child in the past
Butterflies and dragonflies we will chase 

When we grow old and gray
In a beautiful thatched cottage will be our abode
Chickens, goats, dogs, cows keep us company

When we grow old and gray
Your guitar you will pluck and strum
And together we'll sing our theme lullaby

When we grow old and gray
Along the seashore we'll take long walks
And watch the sun rising gracefully in the horizon

When we grow old and gray
Beautiful sunsets we will watch
Underneath the canopy of giant trees

When we grow old and gray
My favorite chicken broth you will always cook
And together we will share hearty meals

When we grow old and gray
In a hammock we will lie down and relax
Watch the moon, count the zillion stars above

When we grow old and gray
Colorful summer clothes we will often wear
And play hide and seek under the coconut groves

When we grow old and gray
You will kiss my forehead and whisper me
Sweet nothings like we often do

When we grow and gray
In your strong arms you will carry me
And make graceful pirouettes amidst laughter

When we grow old and gray
And finally be at my deathbed
Please watch me take my last breath and say
That you have loved me more than anything else in this world
And promise me that we will meet again in heaven soon!


Sunday, July 14, 2013

Soul Mate


One lazy Sunday morning, my Preety Sistah of My White Window chanced upon me in FB (today)! I clicked LIKE on a post of her which goes this way and I quote: "You write so beautifully....the inside of your mind must be a terrible place." Then we had some few exchanges encouraging me to give life again to a dormant blog (this blog of mine) which had been sleeping for quite sometime now...and out of this pitter-patter feelings I have at the moment when she nudged me, I promised, yes, I promised to write something today! 

So, dear pretty, I am penning some few lines here and hopefully you will like it!It's a topic I am wishing to write about ever since...or I guess I may have touched this topic a bit from my past posts...:-)


I wish I would have found him
And I can start believing in miracles and magic
In a world that's full of strangers

I wish to wake up each day with him
And hear his voice softly whispering in my ears
That he loves me more than anything else

I wish to watch beautiful sunsets with him
And walk hand in hand, feeling the warmth 
As we chase tiny ripples along the seashores

I wish to spend simple dinner with him
And share the good and the bad times
We have had in this chaotic world

I wish to dance the night away with him
And get mesmerized in the romantic music
That accompanies our nervous steps on the dance floor

I wish to share and tell him all
The pains, the tears, the disappointments
The triumphs, the joys and the laughter..

And I wish I will have the courage to let him know
That he is the best thing that ever happened to me
And I will love him with my whole heart, body and soul!

x x x 

Terrible thoughts dear Pretty, from a beautiful mind... :D Errrrr...the silent, romantic side of me huh!

Sunday, December 30, 2012


In twenty thirteen
I pray for new hope, blessings
And gladness in life!   


Written for Haiku Heights
Prompt: NEW

Sunday, December 02, 2012


Lord, please flood my life
With tidal waves of blessings
And storms of grace!

Life's blessings I yearn
Happiness, peace, contentment
For my family!


Written for Haiku Heights
Prompt: STORM

Prompt: YEARN