“Dreams are like the paints of a great artist. Your dreams are your paints, the world is your canvas. Believing, is the brush that converts your dreams into a masterpiece of reality.”
Of late, and in just a matter of a couple of months, I've had so much trials, a test of my faith in God.
My kids got sick one after the other. My other ward was forced to quit school, she being a 4th year college already, due to anxiety disorders. So much money has been spent. And just last week, my hubby called informing me that he will undertake an unexpected medical sign-off from sea-based work in Europe for more or less two months.
And as if a coincidence or maybe that a very good and dear friend of mine, suffered some trials, too. He shared of a failed house mortgage loan (if that would be the right term i may use here, please correct me if I am wrong). And many other failed financial investments. I just don't know why. I told him as if to console him because I may have been a part of some of the failures, well, that's it, "when trials come, they pour in buckets". Not just tears that pour in buckets, you know.
What I am sharing here is just a slice of the pie. In fact, there are more other serious matters that have affected my existence. And maybe, my dear friend's existence, too. (My apologies to you my beloved friend).
What's nice about those things that are happening in our separate existence is that, we have each other to console us.
Those trials have become more bearable. And we have to share each other that these trials will come to pass and hope, it will be soon.
Last June, I went to Baguio City to attend a seminar and at the same time visit my two college kids. While we’re traversing Naguillian Road going up to Baguio, the road was zero visibility due to very thick fogs that blanketed the highway. Our bus was crawling like crab and the driver was turning his head in disappointment. We were like running in turtle-paced speed. Instead of the usual 45 minutes drive from Bauang, La Union, it almost took us two hours before reaching the City of Pines.
I was wide awake. I can’t close my eyes lest any single second I will do it, we’re already plunging into the deep ravine on the side of the road. I maybe the only wide-eyed companion of the driver. I was praying so hard that we will reach our destination safe and sound. And thank God, we did.
After a day in Baguio, an inclement weather set in. I thought it was just heavy downpour but when strong winds started to accompany the heavy rains, I knew a typhoon is coming our way. We were at the mall with my kids just after our seminar session for that day. We’re in a queue waiting our turn to board a cab and then our umbrellas started to fold and almost wanted to get out and stop clinging from the strong grips of our hands. We’re reduced to folding our umbrellas instead of sacrificing its longer life span. Before we could board a cab, our bodies were almost dripping with water.
The whole night, rains keep pounding on the roofs of everyone’s abode, coupled with strong winds. The following day, if not for the early morning thick fogs, then we’re so helpless watching the strong downpour.
It took more or less four straight days before the typhoon abated. I went to the market. While on my way with a companion who volunteered to help me, she told me that long heavy downpour helps Baguio get a clean bath once in a while. True to what she said, I tried to look down waterways we have passed by and really, the water down the rivers was crystal clear. Baguio indeed had taken a very good bath from the heavy rains.
After the heavy rains, there’s a positive result for the City of Baguio. Indeed, the heavy downpour was really good for this summer capital of the Philippines.
Have you cried lately? Cried so hard as if your heart will break and your nose will clog of unwanted mucous? If heavy downpour gives us a fresh new environment, I would say, crying your heart out, your heartaches would do the same for you.
Me? Yes, I did cry so hard the other night and in somebody’s invisible arms and shoulders. And it did give me a time to unload all my heartaches, all the hurt feelings that have been lodging inside me for quite a long time now, maybe for several years now. Though my head was like spinning and aching while I was crying and my nose was so clogged with unwanted fluids, my heart felt like it has been unburdened. I felt better after that buckets of tears fell from my eyes. I have longed to do for a long time now but I needed somebody to listen to me. And thanks, there was that invisible someone who did care to listen to me. All I could do at the moment was unload everything and he did caringly, heartily and lovingly listened to me. Thanks to you my friend. I hope you wouldn’t tire giving me a shoulder to cry on.
After that heavy downpour from my eyes, I felt I wanted to sleep. And I did. I was in a deep slumber so that the following morning I felt I still wanted to stay in bed for the rest of the day. This time, I wanted a long bed rest to recuperate from the past few weeks that I had been so burdened with a lot of cares. I am now contemplating of taking a long leave from work so I can totally rest and recuperate my state of health. Maybe, I will do so very soon. Yes, very soon. In a place where there is peace and quiet and open air. In a farm maybe. In my dream Farmville.
July 9, 2009 at about past 8 in the evening, it only started with a heavy downpour, the kind of rains farmers are waiting for so long to come in order for them to finish the planting season for the year. Several minutes past and the weather were becoming worst. Then suddenly a very strong thunder and lightning struck simultaneously causing too much panic with everyone on the neighborhood. It sounded and looked as if there were fireworks everywhere and that triggered me to panic because I heard something was struck by the lightning inside my room. And there it was, my net connection suddenly stopped. I even smelled that some electrical wiring was burning inside my room. I lifted my laptop and there on its bottom, it smelled of burned parts. To confirm my belief, I went to a computer repair shop this morning. The technician found out that my laptop’s LAN card has been damaged by the lightning.
Several stories were related in the office the following day after that frightening struck of nature’s fury. According to one, clothes hanged outside the homes of some neighborhood were burnt
The first time I was interested in writing blogs, is because I was encourage by a high school classmate. And I realized that it was a very good way of killing boredom. So I wrote and wrote and wrote blogs. That’s when I was totally bored and sleepless. Going back to the first few blogs that I have written when I first set foot in the world of blogging, I could only smile in disbelief how naïve are my thoughts and the contents of my blogs. I surmised I was not really much into it. I just want to write, that’s all. Just write. That’s all. Just to kill boredom and sleepless nights, that’s all.
As months passed by, there were followers of my blogs who’d tell me they like what I write. They’d tell to me keep on writing because they are my avid followers. I was quite encouraged. I have followers from Russia, from India and maybe the others are from any part of the world. So, I went global. I didn’t know that there were more surprises in store for me. Some things I will not reveal it here anymore, because they are already to be treated confidentially.
As time passed by, there were unexpected innuendos from my readers. On my part, I feel sad if I can’t write for them, but since most of the time I am tired with so many things at home and at work, I have to rest and really take the needed rest, thus forsaking my love to write. It seems that there no more sleepless nights, instead I’m dying to have more sleeping hours. It seems that I don’t feel bored anymore; hence my love for writing is even more lessened.
My blogs have become a variety. Sometimes I write blogs about the daily cares of life. I write some based from personal experiences and lately, I tried fiction writing and some readers say, they enjoy reading them in any way I treat my blogs.
But what would you do when you were just writing blogs because you want to kill boredom and sleepless nights, and then somebody would tell you he’s falling in love with your blogs. Maybe that’s au’ natural. But anyway, whoever you are, thanks so much for falling in love with my blogs.
By the way, I have already finished Chapter 4 of my short story, my try at fiction writing. This time, I may be posting a couple of blogs simultaneously. And that’s because I have some little time left for writing in spite of my, well, exciting and busy life lately.
I am more than thankful for blogging has changed my life a little better. It has because my avenue for expressing some deep-seated thoughts in my heart and mind. It has become my instrument for pouring out my heartaches and disappointments in life; my joys and happiness; my contentment and discontentment and many more. My blogs have surely metamorphosed from one boring and uninteresting blogs to more touching and fascinating blogs.
Followers, thank you. Honestly speaking, I have no regrets of sometimes being engrossed in the world of blogging. And I am just so thankful for a couple of persons. I will just tell them personally if who they are.
And for you avid followers, I may only write Chapter 5 and the other succeeding chapters of my short story when the most awaited event in my life would have been realized. That would surely give me much inspiration and an unexpected fulfillment in my existence in this world. So hold on, readers! And thanks so much to all of you.
Motherhood is synonymous to sacrifices, agonies, miseries, sufferings; the difficult and hard side of parenting. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been into that. My faith with God has been tested. At times, I feel like questioning Him. But then, I know that this is a test of faith in Him, like if we ever feel like giving up on our existence or in our faith with Him.
How would you feel when your loving kids and even your adopted children will get sick one at a time and even simultaneously? It’s so heavy in the heart. Aside from the emotional pain, the physical side and the financial aspect, this would give you so many burdens, basically as a mother.
How much more if you’re a single parent? It is because your husband works in a very far place? And you must play the role of both a mother and a father? Calls and texts from him may suffice or fill in his absence but I felt that wasn’t enough. This is the dilemma of a family when the breadwinner must leave if only to provide a decent living for his family. But that would be better than a mother leaving the father and her children for her to find work and provide for her family.
I have a very good friend who left her family to work in a very faraway place. She sacrificed so much. She sacrificed being away from her family just to make their life better. But it didn’t bear all good things. She must be earning so much, but there’s a higher downside of it. When she was about to get her husband and work with her in just a matter of days, her husband died of an accident. What happened to the kids? They were fatherless and they have an absentee mother. Though they are no longer kids, the absence of both parents gave them much freedom to do what they wanted to do. The ever-sacrificing mother just continues to send much money believing that her kids are doing well in school. But disappointingly, it was the other way around. They became wayward, they became school delinquents and they never finished their studies. My friend’s entire thought, they were fine because she was giving them more than they need. But they were not.
So I hope you’re convinced that mothers’ woes are incomparable. Mothers have more burdens to care for their kids, to let them grown into fine young man and woman. And the good fathers should realize that.
A father should realize that he has a wife that can be considered a superwoman; a superwoman who from the start of daylight would start working and tending to her kids’ needs until the late hours of the evening because she has to help her kids with their assignments; a superwoman who could hold a hammer and nail to make a school project for her kid; a superwoman who should know how to repair some plumbing problems, some destroyed faucets and other facilities at home; a superwoman who would immediately run to the doctor because her son is almost in a seizure because of high fever; a superwoman who wouldn’t dare close her eyes while sitting beside the bed of her sick child. And silently, she would cry to herself, to ease herself a little from her burdens. A father doesn’t know that. A father doesn’t feel anything so heavy like that.
A father should realize that giving money to his family is just his basic role. He should realize that more than the money, his family also needs his love, care and attention.
Yes, a father should realize that her wife who was left to take care of the kids also feels tired and spent; she also gets fed up, she also feels like surrendering every time some hard to manage chaos sets in the family; she also gets sick because of the daily routine which would tax her body. After all, she’s not really a superwoman when she gets sick already. She’s just as frail and fragile and delicate like any other woman. But she has to put on a brave front in the sight of her kids. She can’t afford to get sick though her health’s condition is sending a very strong message that she’s already ill. She must not get sick, she must not show any hint of getting tired or disappointed, she must not show that there’s something wrong with her health. Yes, that’s how a mother should always display herself in front of her kids.
How much more if she’s a working Mom? Then you can double the agony. She’s tired at home and she’ll surely get tired at work. And for sure, the toll on her health could also be doubled. This time, the more she can’t afford to get sick because she has to go to work five days a week.
How about her role in school as a child’s mother? Yes, she must get in touch with her children’s respective schools because there’s need to. You would be lucky if your child is not a delinquent student and the other side of the coin, you are so lucky if your children are all achievers. You would tire going up the stage to don their medals and trophies. That’s so much consolation for a parent. The rewards for all the immeasurable sacrifices you have for them. That’s the time when you feel like you’re on cloud 9.
After all, one’s woes could be well compensated of her children’s achievements and success in school and later in life.
My husband and I are fond of helping other people like sending them to college. It's just that we want these people to have a better future. But in so doing, still there are other people who are envious of what we're doing. Like, they would rather prefer that they're the ones who would be helped out. But in fairness, why should we help others who are already married and have their own family? We are only after these young people who are poor but deserving to make them realize their dreams.
But lately, we have been tested, again. This is the second time that when our student is about to enter their 4th year in college, things turned up the wrong way. Of late, my niece suffered depression and anxiety disorder. We could hardly talk to her. We have exhausted all means to dig into what's bothering her but all our efforts were futile. After almost a month of battling with her disorder, I finally gave up on her, accepted the fact that she's dropping from her classes this first semester and that she's gonna be delayed in her course, if she will still continue it next semester.
We were all so hopeful, believing that come March 2010, we will already have our first college graduate. But then, our faith has been tested, our patience waned. We got tired of prodding her to go to school. I spent sleepless nights attending to her. I can't believe it myself that she, being an intelligent girl, would succumb to depression. I have fairly treated all of them, and equally with my own kids. But why on earth did she suffer such disorder? She told me once it was about her family, then after learning that, I tried to comfort her and told her that everything will be fine anyway I am always with her and we love her. But those endearing words never worked on her anymore. The degree of her disorder might be such that she needs a psychiatrist.
That's why this morning, while we were having breakfast with my other college scholar, now in 3rd year college, I told her to please break the curse, if it is a curse for me and my husband. I was relieved when she promised me that such curse, if it is so, will never happen again because she's really dedicated and would do all means to finish her course. I was so happy to hear her say that.
If this is a curse for our family or not, then let it be broken.
