(This post is supposed to be included in my last post, however, as I can see it, it will surely run to more than four paragraphs, and as I promised earlier, it will become a separate post if that’s the case).
Based from my readings, Obsession is a compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety. It is a compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.
Whether we like it or not and more often than not, most of us suffer from such disorder.
It is a feeling which you could hardlyunderstand, which you would like to correct, which you would like to avoid and which you would like to understand why it happens to you.
Unlocked Doors and Windows
In my case, when I was still not aware what it was about, I also suffer and am still suffering from such weird feelings and disorder. There were instances when after hitting the bed and almost falling asleep, I would suddenly get up and seem to realize that I forget to check on the lock of doors, but at the back of my mind, I felt I already did the routine
but my subconscious dictates that it’s not. There’s a debate running in my mind. Hence, I would get up and check on the doors if they’re really locked and the truth is they are. Anxiety. It happens every time. And if I do not check it and then fell asleep, I would have nightmares that evil spirits are roaming outside my window and are insistent of entering my bedroom. Sounds eerie, isn’t it, but it happens every time. The only assurance that I will not have nightmares is to get up and check on them dutifully.
There were also several instances that I wanted to wash my hands all over again, feeling they’re always invaded by germs. I just wash, wash and wash my hands. Obsessive- compulsive behavior. That’s how my daughter defined it. She would tell me that feeling that way always would mean I have an OC-OC behavior, a short term for such disorder. To cure it, I wash my hands with alcohol and doing it will give me the assurance that I am already germ-free.
While at the mall, I tend to buy things that I don’t really need, things that are not significant or not important, things that would fan my fancy, things that I feel will give me hidden satisfaction and my daughter would again remind me not to be an impulsive buyer because that’s again an OC-OC behavior. I hate the urge but I could hardly give up on buying those things. To counteract the disorder, it will be a real struggle on my part. I would start musing to myself that I really don’t need this or that. Or if there’s a possibility, I don’t bring enough money so that would be a great excuse not to go shopping for unnecessary stuffs coz I don’t have the means to buy it compulsively.
When I wash dishes, I would smell it to check if it was really totally washed and all unwanted smells and stains were removed. I even developed the habit that before I use a spoon, fork, glass, cup, plate, I must smell it first and if did not pass the quality control rendered by my nose, I will not use it and will get another. It’s a very disappointing behavior especially when you are eating in public. But I would tell myself when I eat in public that my etiquette and proper breeding should overcome my disorder. And it works, you know!
And yes, my phone, though I believed I already placed it inside my bag before I leave for the
office or before going out of the house, I would always panic and feel I forgot to bring it with me. You know, I need to always bring it with me because it is an indispensable gadget for me, especially so because my hubby always wanted that once he calls me or text me I should not let a second or a minute pass that I should answer him, thus, to be sure that I have it with me, I would remind myself that once I step out of our main door I should send him a message or look inside my bag if it’s already there. That will solve my dilemma.
Well, it sounds weird and crazy, but it is a disorder one can have, though against one’s conscious will. If you have one, tell me and I may help you with simple but proven effective out-of-the-blue remedies which don’t cost a dime or two.