Saturday, June 12, 2010

Lost in a Sea of Thoughts

I woke up today with a heavy heart, an aching head, a confused mind and lost in a sea of hazy thoughts. 

It’s been a week since I tried to hide from blogworld after my last post Hidden, for Blog-a-Tonic. I was intent on leaving at least temporarily one of the things I had learned to love most ~ blogging. The only reason that  I could weakly  advance to many well-wishers who asked me the reason   for this drastic step was what may appear a lame one, the one that every writer passes through at some stage – my muse was failing me or call it a writer's block (heck, too highfalutin)  or whatever you wish. My muse seemed a traitor to me for almost the whole week. My mind was blank, bereft of ideas, virtually bankrupt.

I realized now how noble were his intentions as he really wished that I get time to be with my real world where so much are awaiting to be completed, so much unfinished on hand and so much to start. He wished that I be closely involved with my personal affairs, have time to hug my precious little baby in the neighborhood who calls me “Mom” so sweetly and innocently, pay social calls, do lot of serious reading that I had given up, spend more time chatting with my precious gems studying at a distant place and devote more to the daily chores in the house when the regular help vanished without notice. And that I can have a balance of the real and blog world if I wished to.

I tried to evade the issue, the endless debate with the voice, the threat and told him I’d rather he slap me on my face to get me back to my senses, but told me he prefers to hit me right where I would be hurt because slapping me would only pain his hands. And while I won’t get back to my right senses, he will keep silent.

My thoughts drifted, roamed like a rudderless boat that kept drifting and roaming in a vast sea, waiting for someone to rescue it. I heard another voice that told me I can’t go on a blog break. The voice told he would miss my post that he was used to regularly. My heart skipped a beat. I felt a lump on my throat when he said: “Thank you Amity, for all your writing.  You are on my list of FIRST FAVORITES.  (And I don't even link to you, I know where you are.) So, I am begging, just a little writing until you pick back up.” That voice made me sleepless.

Then yet another voice came, telling me how hardheaded I am, and that I have that Icarusian tendency. I ignored the voice. Maybe I even hurt him unknowingly. But whatever he would tell, I know nothing seemed to be right with me then.
Every night, for the past few days, I woke up in a nightmare, like I was in an oubliette, ‘a dungeon’ in layman’s term. I wanted to be out of it and I was crying for help, for hands to pull me up.  And I realized suddenly  this morning that  my dreams were meant to tell me obliquely that when I hid from the blogworld  I  had put myself in a dungeon. Those hands I was trying to grope for help were the same voices that urged me to get back to writing and be active as ever in the blogworld.

Deep in my heart and soul I knew how lost I was, drifting like a lost ship with my muse playing truant, but though how lost I was, I would still end up to where I wish to be, a place where I tried to belong to and where I am also happy-the Blogworld. I decided that I should strike a balance between the personal matters and the blog world and that running away from either of them was no rational decision. So here I am back with you. I hope the voices, my anchors, are now happy with my decision. 


Written for Thursday Tales (Tale No 11)
Also for Three Word Wednesday (Prompts: hidden, noble, roam)
and linked to One Single Impression (Prompts: Icarus, Oubliette)
Photo Courtesy: Sadir89


  1. Good to hear that you decided not to leave the blogworld,..and I'm happy to know that you overcome those bad senses...thanks Amity dear.

  2. Welcome back Amity to the blog world you are indeed an asset and should you give up will be sorely missed.

    Have a wonderful week-end


  3. You are an amazing Blogger. I love reading your posts. Welcome back!:)

  4. Dear Amity,

    We all have times when the pen refuses to ink, thoughts crumble before they are born. I believe it is just our minds telling us to take a break so that creativity can refuel. I can relate because I have not written a decent poem since January. But I learned to not give up and weather the storm. It will pass. Taking a break to focus on other things or just to simply relax is normal. Glad your back :)

  5. Makes wonderful reading.

    Been through this and can feel it. Thanks for putting it in words.

  6. Thank God you are back Amity.. here in this space..a space where we all find each other..a space the kind John Galt creates in The Atlas Shrugged bringing intellect together to live by same values.. Be here and now, always.. it's beautiful.. perhaps when you were away I posted..

    Ah! To find each other again..

    Do have a look at it.. Let us continue to expand this lovely world of thoughts as I have always said it Practicing Happiness..

    Thank You Amity!

  7. What Amity has encountered, I think is the common professional hazard that writers face.They just lose the urge to write for a variety of reasons ranging from trivial to serious.Lack of inspiration,running out of ideas,pressure of work at home or office,stressful situations of different types or lack of appreciation for the good work done.. In the case of Amity most of these are not relevant,I presume.

    Being a creative writer endowed with abundant imagination, lack of inspiration should not be a factor.The encomiums received through comments in her blog amply prove her popularity. Her disenchantment I feel could only be due to the burden of household chores that has fallen on her with the domestic help playing truant.

    Her readers are delighted to know that she has got over the mental inertia and has decided to resume writing.I heartily welcome her back

  8. Hi Amity,

    misssed you so much..and thanks for coming back..

    be happy..sometimes it happens..:)

    good that u r back on board with such a nice post..:)keep it up :) we are all with you.

  9. Balance can be difficult, but I'm glad you choose to stay online blogging!

  10. That's a tough struggle, so I am glad you are here and blogging yet!

  11. Welcome back to the Blogosphere, Amity. I hope all is well for you now, it is essential that we, as bloggers, strike a harmonious balance between blogging and life. I think you've done that now and I look forward to reading your always wonderful posts.

  12. balancing life is the key. I totally agree.

    thank you for reminding, Amity.

  13. I think we all go through such moments. I'm glad you're back.

  14. nice to hav yu back Amity... I think like this often though the blogworld is my best friend i dread not to leav it! :)

  15. Glad you decided to crawl back up into the light. =)

  16. I'm so glad you're still here...I completely relate to that frustration when our muses leave us temporarily. But they always come back! Thank you for staying. :~)

  17. Hehe, I've tried leaving many times.. Like 5-6 times.. changed blogs.. what not. But I've come to realise that once you're hooked to blogging, you can't truly leave/stop blogging!

    Great that you decided to come back!

  18. i love you always!

    you are a great blogger

  19. Beautiful and heartfelt writing Amity. It is always good to have a balance between blogging and your real life. I hope you are happy as a writer and most importantly fulfilled in your life!

  20. Oh I am so happy to hear of your decision. We are all there at some time or another and striking a balance between Blogland and Reality can be difficult. With that said- I am glad of your choice to be with us when you can!!! Your expresiveness about this was so very admirable!

  21. Glad you're here - I guess we just must keep on keepin' on! :)

  22. TO ALL OF YOU...without missing anyone...

    Thank you so much for kind and encouraging comments. They will be in my heart, etched...:)

    I will stay and try hard to stay!

    God bless you all!



  23. Hi Amity, yes, welcome back. Did you really leave? My word for you is to remember you are trying to balance. The kiddos will one day be grown and gone and for sure you don't want to miss out on them.
    If things get hectic I would say to balance on the side of family. From my own perspective you won't get very much respect for shutting back but you yourself will know you did right.

    My situation is I am told 'I blog all the time' and even a little anamosity is voiced towards my blogging friends.
    I do believe that my Christian witness requires me to show that a 'Christian' can be a regular person. So my presence on my blogs.
    Besides I enjoy the writing and interchanges. I tell people that blogging to me is like having fifty pen pals. My generation understands pen pals.

  24. Hi Jim;

    Oh I do understand the word pen pal as it was still popular even in my generation. That's good idea...I have a lot of pen friends now in blogville I could not leave since they are very supportive to me and you are one of them..:)) Thanks for that Jim!

    I left, weewww, only for a week, and I realized, blogging makes me sane especially when kiddos are now far from me to study college in the city...:)

    And it made me realize one thing, I can balance if I wish to.

    Now here I am, on occasional appearances...:) Having in mind, not to miss my pen pals...:)

    Thank you so much JIm for not missing this comebacking post of mine!

    Have a great day ahead!