Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Voices

Visually she was not mistaken. She saw it with her big brown eyes. Her eyes cannot lie. There were Gabrielle and Lucifer beside her. Lucifer looked so deceiving in his smiles while Gabrielle smiled innocently at her.

Obediently she listened to both of them. "Miriam, you're beautiful, attractive, intelligent and of course look tantalizing in my eyes", Lucifer whispered. "But for quite sometime now you're sad. You looked like you've lost some precious toys and fumbling on every nook and cranny in your room, but can't find them. Why don't you go out and have some fun? Snatch the first guy you would meet as you step out on the pavement. Go disco dancing and drinking until the wee hours," he said, and added with a grin, "Then do some naughty things with your guy".

In Gabrielle's wish to comfort Miriam and to negate those devilish insinuations of Lucifer, she whispered into her ears "Oh, don't listen to that moron dear, he'll only ruin your life. Remember, life is not a bed of roses. At some points in your life, you become weak, fragile, vulnerable to your feelings. It's just that we need to be strong to overcome these feelings because I know that God will not give us trials that we cannot hurdle or surpass victoriously. When God closes a door, He opens a window, right?

Confused and bewildered, Miriam doesn't know to whom she'll listen. Lucifer's prodding was so tempting and Gabrielle's counsel was so good. She felt  safer continuing to brood on her disappointments. 

Entangled with such thoughts, she suddenly heard Lucifer hurling invectives against Gabrielle. "Who the hell are you? I just wanna make Miriam happy and you could only say and utter Godly words to her. Your pieces of advice will never make her happy. Veer off from her, now!!!!" Lucifer shouted at Gabrielle.

Silently Gabrielle cried but hid it from Miriam.  She was not there for her own comfort but to encourage and uplift Miriam's spirits.  As Gabrielle turned back to Miriam she realized Miriam poised a two-bladed knife above her chest.  "Miriaaaaaaaaaaaam!  Nooooooooooo!" screamed Gabrielle.  Miriam was panting, gasping for air.  Her lungs frozen.  Her stomach churned with terror.  Desperation soaked her clothes in sweat. She groped for the knife.  "Where is the knife,” she whispered.  She stole another tight breathe. “Where is that knife?”  Knock, knock, came sounds from her door.  "Mom, you're late now, aren't you going to office?” her lil' lovely Princess asked.  "Oh no . . . yeah, I will, thanks Sweetheart," she sighed. 

Written for Amias' Acrostic Only


  1. stunning...
    you are getting better and better with time..

  2. heyy..was just amazed 2 see this1..rlly u r shining nw..wht a wonderful imagery..gr8..keep the work..!!!hugs...!

  3. Very good piece of work, Amity. Loved it.

  4. I enjoyed the internal struggle between the words of right and wrong. Interesting piece.

  5. Dear Amity,
    I am sure you will get out of all low feelings and confusions.Dear,prayer gives strength.take time to be with God.cry your heart out and SURRENDER!you will be relieved and will feel much better.
    you have written the story very well.I am leaving for Ash's marriage to be held in Guruvayoor.I am so happy it is the occasion of family reunion.
    Wishing you a Wonderful Day,
    Let always a smile glows on your face,

  6. Hi Amity.

    This is new for me--acrostic in prose. The voices in our head--don't they just drain us? At the end of the day, I think our most cherished values will guide us down the road. We have to listen to the third voice--ours.

    Take care.

  7. Hi Shrads; it? Oh thanks really...that's enough encouragement from you to have another try...after the receiving good reviews from buddies like you!


    P.S. Work of fiction babes!

  8. Hey Maddy;

    Yeah, thank you dear...:) Done voting for the POY 2009? Can you whisper whom you voted?

    Try it, so many prompts for acrostic short story, in fact all the prompts for acros can be done in the acros short story...:)

    I'll be waiting you do a story or two, okay?

    Hugs sweetie!!!

  9. Saras;

    glad u like it!

    have a nice day!

  10. Eva;

    New here but I know that you are the 400th member at the lounge...:)

    Thanks for your comments. It is a struggle really...

    Thanks for dropping by...:) I'll follow u there soon!


  11. Hi Anu;

    Well, it's pure fiction but maybe some reality exists out there, am waiting somebody would comment that he/she can relate to my story.

    And yes, thanks for the positive comments. I did have a hard time writing it but then Amias encouraged me to try it, and what came out is this.

    As Carlos has commented, this is an acrostic in prose..which was written for Amias' Acrostic Short Story.

    If you've observed, the paragraph starts with the letters of the prompt "VOICES".

    Thanks and enjoy your visit and family reunion.

    Maraming Salamat Anu!

  12. Hi Carlos;

    The voices in our head? yeah i agree with you, that we must listen also to the third voice - ours!

    This is a work of fiction Carlos and glad you liked it!

    good day!

  13. Amity this is like WOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW :D but why you din use my profile pic :O I am angry for that :(

  14. wow that was wonderful....wish you a good weekend!

  15. Miya???? really? Oh can i use it now?

    tell me...and am gonna edit it now before others will come reading it!

    thanks sweetie!!!

  16. Melissa;

    thanks so much and am so glad u like it dear!!!


  17. WOW Amity,

    I like this better than the regular acros stuff..

    Its more engaging..and interesting..U should do this at least a week..if not daily..


  18. So I found your blog from Eva's and just want to say I'm so glad I did because you are an amazing writer. Definitely going to follow. (:

  19. hahahahaha, seems looks like in real life....some people who couldn't manage and resolve the problem would result to finished their lives by hanging or cutting their pulse.

  20. What a powerful piece of prose...I think many people have felt like this in their life. The pain of it all and just wanting to end everything. But there is always hope. Thank God for the voice of an angel. Lovely writing and stunning.

  21. Hi Dev;

    I wrote this piece as if am gonna get a nosebleed. prose writing is really not my piece of cake.

    But then, Amias told me to just try, and so I did. Now I am waiting for her review of my work, lest I wouldn't try it a second time.

    Thanks Dev...:)

  22. Hi Gavin;

    wow...that sure is a big compliment, my heart almost swelled with pride!

    thanks for following, and i guess, you've said so much in your first visit...:)

    btw, i will be following ur blog, too...i read ur comment last night then went to your blog but i was kinda so sleepy and had to postpone adding u in my list...:)

    have a great weekend gavin!

  23. Hi Windel;

    this is a work of fiction, but yeah, there might be a reality in it somewhere out there...that's life, i guess...:)

    thanks for dropping...:)

  24. Hi Write Girl;

    thank you so much for that wonderful comment...:) i guess, this sounds a good try now...:)

    we always need an angel to protect us from harm, isn't it?

    have a great weekend dear...:)

  25. Hey...first very big sorry for being a latecomer :( ....hav nt been around any blogs lately at all :( ...and nice imagination!!!! lovd yur acrostic!!

  26. Hey HaRy;

    it;s okay, wats impt is you're here, late or not!

    btw, thanks for being late....lolz...:)


  27. Amity it is so good to see you try, because if you don't have the courage to try new styles of writing, you won't become a good writer. I think you have the knack for it .. so you keep on writing. Proud of ya!

  28. Sorry, I forgot to tell you ...
    I love the way you handled the voices of good verses evil. This piece has potentials.

  29. Amias;

    Thank you am quite positive this time!


  30. What is this? A Story Acrostic? WOW!!

    I liked the story...

    But what about this style? Please tell me abt it... Never came across such a piece earlier... well done!!

    Teach me now...

  31. hI tAN;

    This is an acrostic short story...and thanks you like it...:)

    btw, i guess i am not the right one who could teach you how bec i got nosebleeds when i wrote this one for all you know...lols...:)

    log in to Amias' acrostic only and there you will learn all about it.

    have you noticed? it's linked to Amias' website.

    Thanks Tan, for a long you were absent, i am glad ur back now...:)

    enjoy and be active at AO, see you there!

    any new post coming up? read your shout out there at Amias...:)

    have a nice day!!!

  32. u r really beginning to become a great acrostic writer.. if this is ur first acro short story, then it definetly won't be ur last! :)